I am moving forward, in ways that I did not know were possible after all I have seen. Life forces trajectory. She is beautiful, and comforting, and familiar in ways that are so inexplicable and coincidental that it sometimes frightens me. If I’ve ever been inclined to believe that there was someone that I was maybe meant to be with, it would be her. Don’t think that I’ve gotten all lofty and forgotten so many terrible mistakes that I’ve made before. (Heady love and disastrous crashes.) I haven’t.
There is nothing about her that makes me think of holding back though, and that has always been a thought I have ignored before. There is no need to ignore it now. Everything in me screams of full force and trust. I have found this perplexing, and it has caused me to reflect in painful ways on past relationships.
I never would have imagined that someone could surpass the greatness of an old dead love in such a short timeline. It is miraculous, but somehow makes me feel even more foolish for so much time spent in what drained so much vitality from me.
It is summer, and boastful notions are plentiful. My windows are open, praying to hot humid nights with a symphony exchanging melodies. Music is fluttering through heavy air, while the cicadas throw their song forcefully through my window. The quiet praise is from me, and me alone. How misplaced and under appreciated these fellow bastards of the night are in their ancient honed orchestra. Cars roar by, and the tempo of the music increases. My empty room is now brought to full use as acoustics rattle forth, sending me a reverberating masterpiece of sound. The ceiling stretches high, and I sip my drink to bring all senses to an all encompassing thrall.
I am in love with this city. I always have been, and while I may day-dream of leaving it to stretch my legs and find new fascinations and preoccupations, I know I will always have these whore-lined streets as a home. This will always be here to settle back into, with quick angry winters and ever-lasting glorious heat to compliment my choice. She is my boon, my bastion, my loud and ugly sanctuary. While I have become completely familiar with most of her poorly paved and ever over-populated streets, there is still so much mystery to her. So many places that I have listed off to still explore. So much left to discover. Maybe after there is no mystery left, I will find a new place to repeat this cycle with. Another city full of raucous restless bastards that I will call compatriots. I doubt it though.
I have felt companionship in minor fashions with those passing through my periphery lately, but none shall compare to the two I call brother. As time passes, I feel like there is so much more that is understood and unsaid between us. We have seen all the terrifying and awe-inspiring sides of each other, and we stand here, mostly drunk, screaming, and smiling. Time pushes forward, and space may separate us, but I, for my part, will never stop loving those two bastards. I feel it necessary to type such heart-felt things, because I never have the cander to openly say so, and these are paramount things to be communicated.
Grilled cheese and Jurassic Park. My wonderful girl. Pretty happy. (Taken with instagram)
This is my girlfriend. Hell yes. (Taken with instagram)
HAPPY FACES. (Taken with Instagram at Victory Sandwich Bar)
